There are a lot of guys out there that have seen television shows and movies that have one of those dating guru type guys promising to get you any woman you ever wanted to fall madly in love with you. There are also websites that you’ve probably seen along with eBooks all over the internet that promise you the same things as well. While these “guru’s” are making quite a lot of money with their promises, what they aren’t telling you is that it’s all a scam. They want you to give them their hard earned money so that they can go out and buy things while you sit at home reading their information. For the most part, these guys promise you the world but very rarely ever deliver. In fact, if you actually look at what they are trying to sell you, you will find that all you have to do is go out and act like a jackass, and you will get laid every night of the week. The truth is, any woman that would fall for any guy that acts that way deserves the relationship she ends up with. If you want to have a real relationship, then you are going to have to be yourself. Being yourself is one of the hardest and most important things that you can do in order to gain the trust that a relationship is based on. If you go into the beginning of a relationship with her thinking you are some flashy rich guy, and it turns out that you drive a Pinto and live in your mother’s basement, when she finds out you can pretty much kiss any chance of being with her again goodbye. Women don’t want to be lied to, even if it’s something small, and starting a relationship out this way will cause it to end very quickly. All those gurus want you to ACT like you are confident when the truth is you should BE confident. There is no reason for you to act like you are confident it you really aren’t. The woman you are interested in is going to know right away if you have the confidence to be with her or not. Think of it as eating fast food your entire life and suddenly finding yourself in a 5 start French restaurant, ordering wine in French. The waiter is going to know that you aren’t from France, and she is going to know you aren’t confident. The best thing to do is be truthful and honest with her. Tell her that you don’t have the money to go out to a fancy restaurant, then turn around and make a romantic picnic out of things you can afford. Do something small but elegant to show her who you are on the inside and you will find that it will impress her much more than trying to pull off the bad boy routine that you just paid $29.95 for online. The choice is yours, but making it the right choice is what she deserves from you. Dating used to be something that all couples looked forward to years ago. The dating ritual usually consisted of going out to eat and to a movie. In those times, the guy always paid for the date. If you look back far enough, you’ll even learn about drive in movie theatres when admission covered an entire carload of people. So double dating was a big deal. The snack bar served cheap popcorn and other easy food such as hot dogs and French fries. It was easy to have a $10 to $15 date back then. Now, that the number of drive in movie theatres have diminished greatly throughout the years, it’s not quite as easy to have a decent cheap date. Indoor movie theatres now charge such outrageous prices to get in and even worse prices to get simple snacks and a soda once inside. What used to be a reasonably priced evening out is now easily $50 and up. It may seem to be an almost impossible task these days for ordinary people to actually go out on a fun day. Wealthy people have no issues but those of the more ordinary working class can find it difficult to afford the typical dating scenario. That’s when creativity and imagination is required. To begin with, women of today understand all about the economy and usually expect to be footing their half of the bill on a date. So if money is stopping you from asking out that hot woman that you’ve been dreaming of for so long, you might just want to go ahead take the plunge. Granted, the first date should be one that you can afford to pay for completely because it IS a first date. That doesn’t mean it’s impossible, though. Save up as much money as you can to put aside for this first date. You can also use your imagination and create a different sort of date. Find out what she enjoys and build a date around that. Try doing something different. For example, if she enjoys riding bikes, plan an afternoon of bike riding in a nice location. You can even pack a picnic to enjoy in a special spot. Actually, picnics can be great ideas for many locations. The beach at night with a campfire can be a very romantic setting for a night time picnic. Just put your brain to work and you’ll come up with something. Once the first date is past, it can become easier to plan more affordable dates because she may feel safer in having you over to her place or in going to yours. Each of you can cook dinner for each other and watch a rented DVD or play games. Basically, there are many things that can be done at home that are fun and affordable. When you have formed a dating relationship with someone, it will most likely become quite common for her to offer to pay for her half of a date. In fact, SHE may even treat YOU on occasion. This is something that happens frequently when the lady does the asking.
Are you getting over a break up right now? Do you hurt so bad that you feel like your heart is going to explode? Do you want to see the other person one minute and want to kill them the next? That is all part of the course when you are getting over a break up.
Just as there are stages of grief when mourning someone who has died, there are also steps that must be taken when getting over a break up. One woman whose first husband died and second husband divorced said that it was actually easier getting over the death of a husband than it was recovering from divorce. That is because there’s societal support when someone dies, but you are supposed to go about getting over a break up on your own.
The first thing you should do is sit down and write a long letter to your ex. Pour out your heart. Share the experiences you had together. Tell him or her why you loved them. Put on paper how you feel about the break up. Call them names. It’s okay to emote in this letter because no one is ever going to see it. That is because you are going to light a candle and burn the letter over the candle’s flame. There are not many rituals that go along with breaking up, but this one can help you on the road to emotional recovery.
Next, you need to arrange to exchange stuff. If you have been in a relationship of any length, you probably have some stuff of his at your place and he’s got your things at his. You probably want much of this stuff back and he or she is equally eager to get theirs. Work out a time for a mutual exchange.
If there are things of your ex’s that aren’t going to be exchanged, either box them up or throw them away. Don’t leave your ex’s toothbrush lying around the bathroom because it will only remind you of them as you are trying to go about getting over the break up.
It is also a good idea to box up any gifts your ex gave you for a time. Wearing a watch that your ex gave you will make you think of them every time you check to see what time it is. That’s just not a good idea when getting over a break up.
There are sometimes financial matters that need to be straightened out when getting over a break up. If you owe your ex money, try to either pay it off from your own funds or get a loan to pay it off. If you have a checking account together, work out how you are going to divvy it up and then go to the bank to close it.
What you should be seeing is a pattern of closing out the parts of your lives that you shared. This is essential to getting over the break up.
After you have done what is necessary, agree to have no contact for thirty days. This will allow you time to start building separate lives. You shouldn’t call, text, email, or meet the other person during this time. You may even want to agree that some places such as a specific bar or even a given church “belong” to one party or the other during this month long period.
After you have had time to begin building a separate life, you will be able to interact more normally once again. This is a difficult time, so give yourself the space you need in order to go about getting over the break up.
Does your to-do list look something like this:
- Walk dog
- Water plants
- Break up with significant other
Okay, while ending a relationship is hardly at the top of anybody’s calendar, the fact is that when a relationship has gone sour, someone has to make the move to end it. The truth is that many relationships last long beyond the “expire by” date just because breaking up is hard to do.
Sometimes a break up happens in dramatic fashion with clothes being thrown out of a second story window.
Other times, the relationship just peters out until someone says “it’s kaput.”
How do you go about ending a relationship so that neither party gets hurt?
You need to get clear on why you want to terminate the romance. The immediate reason that jumps into your mind may not be the real reason. Once you get clear, the next step in ending a relationship is to get honest. That means that in your discussion with your partner that you are true to yourself and to them.
Schedule a mutually convenient time for the breakup. In general, it is better to do it in person rather than over the phone, but if distance is an issue in the relationship, you should do it sooner than wait for a time you can get together.
Get into a state of compassion when ending the relationship. If you want to stay friends after the break up, you need to conclude the romantic ties with love and compassion.
Don’t put your partner on the defensive. Talk about the things you’ve learned and the memories you will cherish that have come from your love. Be present during the break up. Your partner may become very emotional during this time. You need to respond to their needs.
Don’t take anything personally when ending a relationship. Your partner may say things they don’t really mean. Let these words roll off of your back.
Your partner may need to meet with you more than once to conclude the relationship. Or, they may need space. Give your ex what they need to get through the transition time.
But don’t let them make you feel guilty. You’re ready to begin a new phase in your life and it will not include a romantic relationship with your ex. It is best if you retain a positive relationship of some sort with them, but if you are ending the relationship for the right reasons, it is best for both of you.
Should you ever consider reconnecting? Does ending a relationship always mean “the end, close the book?”
That is something you have to decide. Virtually all relationships can be saved if certain conditions are met. If you have the time and are willing to make the effort, you can get through this period as an even stronger couple.
However, if you are determined to walk away, it’s best to end a relationship with a clean break and move on.When a relationship ends, especially if you're not the one who ended it, how to get over someone becomes very important. It’s not always easy to get over a person you’ve been with, though. If you’ve been with that person for a very long time it’s even harder. It might be pretty easy to get over a relationship that’s lasted 3 months. But if you've been with someone for 3 years, it's hard to get over that person at all, let alone get over them quickly. Fortunately, there are some things you can do to speed up the process. When you're wondering how to get over someone, sit in a chair in your living room or bedroom, wherever there’s a very strong sense of the other person. Remove anything that reminds you of that person a great deal. This isn't always easy to do, but every little bit helps. If you've bought a dog together, for instance, of course you won’t want to get rid of the dog. But anything your ex bought for you that’s on display like a knick-knack or something hanging on the wall would be a good thing to remove for a while. If you have lots of things that will remind you of your ex, you're probably wondering how to get over someone without making your rooms completely bare. But even if you picked out practically everything together, you don’t have to remove everything to make this work. Just choose items that have particularly strong memories. Maybe you picked out the couch together, but it's one of the throw pillows that you bought or the figurine on the end table he or she gave you as a gift that seems to make you feel sad when you look at it. Remove those items and store them for a while, just to make things easier on you. If you’re having a really hard time and feel that you can handle it, you can think of all your ex’s bad qualities. Of all the methods of how to get over someone, this is the one where you actually think of your ex the most, so if just the very thought of them brings you to tears you might not be ready for this step. Think of the things you disliked the most about them. If you can’t thing of anything, just move on. But most of us can come up with a long list of things we dislike about someone, especially if they were the ones to end the relationship. A popular method of how to get over someone is to simply start dating again. Many people balk at this idea—they think they still love the ex and aren’t ready. You can do this even if you’re still in love with your ex. No one says you have to fall in love any time soon. But dating or even going out with friends isn’t just how to get over someone, it’s how to keep from feeling sorry for yourself while you try. Dealing with break up pain, any way that you look at it, is not going to be an easy or enjoyable task. A lot of people incorrectly believe that they will be able to manage their heartbreak, only to find out that carrying a torch for someone after a love affair is a lot like grieving, at least if you look at the relationship as having passed on. When it comes to dealing with a broken intimate relationship, it is important that you look past the pain and find a way to survive even when things seem impossible for the time being. Relationship breakup puts a lot of people through fear and misery. Some of the people going through these feelings have no one in the world to turn to, and this is why people suffer so hard from heartbreak in the first place. Dealing with break up pain all by yourself can seem impossible at first, but consider how many people deal with love and loss in their lives and survive to talk about it. You too will be able to get over what feels like a crippling break up, but only if you are willing to deal with heartbreak pain the right way, and the healthy way for that matter. So why is the pain from a lost love break up so difficult? Because when dealing with a break up, it will seem as if you are the only one who has suffered the kind of pain you’re going through. It is important that you continue to try to heal rather than allowing yourself to give up on the situation. Dwelling on the painful split from your lover will not help you, so instead you should work on getting better and moving on, which will allow you to stop dealing with break up pain and start dealing with moving on and finding someone new, perhaps even someone that has a better dynamic with you.
- Spend time with your friends and let them help you get your mind off your heartbreak.
- Don't dwell on the bad feelings, but focus on the good parts of your life in order to promote healing.
Jim works long hours and Lisbet doesn’t feel he is there for her. Lisbet spends all of her time meeting the children’s needs and Jim feels that she doesn’t have time for his needs? Can this relationship be saved? Should it be saved? Here’s how to save a relationship.
First, you must decide whether the relationship is worth saving. While almost every relationship can be saved with hard work, both parties must decide that they want to make it work. Because if a partner has opted out and doesn’t want to opt back in, there is little that can be done.
Many people stay in a relationship because it is convenient or remain in a marriage because of the children. But that is not enough. How to save a relationship starts with a commitment by both parties that the relationship is worth saving.
Next, you must pinpoint the problem or problems in a relationship. One of the biggest problems in how to save a relationship is that people believe the symptoms of the problem are the problem itself.
For instance, many people think an affair is a problem that causes break ups. In truth, the affair is a symptom of a deeper problem. For instance, a lack of true intimacy can lead to a straying spouse. While most people look at the affair as the problem, the underlying cause of the affair was the lack of intimacy in the primary relationship. If you do not deal with the lack of intimacy, you might be able to keep another affair from starting through the use of guilt, but another problem (for instance pornography) could pop up because you haven’t dealt with the core issue.
When you start to deal with core issues rather than symptoms, you can save the relationship.
Once you have identified the core problems, you can begin to share your thoughts. This means both verbalizing your own feelings and listening to your partner’s concerns. Hold your partner’s hand when you are talking about your problems as a signal that you want to reconnect even when your emotions are swirling. When your partner talks about things that hurt you remember that he or she is not doing it because he or she wants to hurt you. Rather it is because they want to improve the relationship.
Once you have detailed the problems in your relationship, create an action plan to solve them. Then, take concrete steps on your action plan. If you don’t spend time together like you used to, plan a date night every week. Take turns coming up with creative ways to spend an evening together each Wednesday. If not communicating is the problem, commit to spending 20 minutes before going to bed just talking to one another. And, then do it.
Finally, you should realise that saving a relationship is an ongoing process. You are going to take two steps forward only to take one step back. There is going to be both laughter and tears going forward. Be quick to apologize and slow to blame.
Is your relationship worth saving? If so, I’ve described in this article how to save a relationship.
Do you know how to keep a woman happy? Here is some advice on relationships for men.The first advice on relationships item I have for you is to always be yourself. Many men don’t feel that they are good enough to catch a beautiful, sexy woman, so they put on a show. But a confident man is the sexiest beast around. Have you ever noticed that some of the ugliest guys have some of the prettiest women? That is because they display a level of confidence that is more attractive to women than physical looks.
Next, you should do the little things. This means offering to take her car in for an oil change or giving her a bag of Jelly Bellies (her favourite flavours) from time to time. Sometimes men think in terms of “grand gestures,” when it is the little things add up to long relationships.
This ties into the next piece of advice on relationships: appreciate her. You shouldn’t take her for granted. Let her know that you value her.
Next up is not obviously looking at other women when you are with her. Women think that you are comparing her to the woman you’re looking at. They don’t understand the whole concept of “the day I stop looking is the day I die.” This comes from the biological drive for monogamy in women. Women are looking for a lifetime partner for a man with whom they can raise children. They can’t help it. That’s how evolution designed them. So minimize the ogling, especially when she’s around.
You should try to make her laugh. While men list good looks at the top of the things they need in a woman, women list a man’s sense of humour. So, if you want the relationship to last, keep her laughing.
The next bit of advice on relationships comes in seeking common interests. It’s great if you got together because of a hobby or an interest, but it still helps when you take an interest in a long standing passion of hers. If this means developing an appreciation for foreign films, so be it. This shows that you care about her and she’ll know you are one in a million.
Once you get the girl, it may seem like you don’t have to try anymore – at least as far as grooming goes. And, while women are less sensitive to looks than men are, they still like a man who makes an attempt. So, shave on weekends. Keep in touch with the latest fashion trends for men. In short, don’t get sloppy just because you’ve landed her. You can un-land her just as easily.
She’s going to need to know that she can integrate you into her circle of family and friends. A man must be part of her larger life, especially after the first few weeks of passion are over. So, make an effort to get along with her girlfriends and impress her parents. A woman relies on her social network to validate her relationship choices. Make an effort.
You should always be considerate of her feelings. Women are less stable than guys. Part of this is hormonal. When you are sensitive to her mood, you won’t get on her bad side.
The final piece of advice on relationships is to be open to trying new things. At the beginning of a relationship, everything is new from the types of dates you arrange to the way you kiss. But, after a while, these things become routine. If you find that your relationship has fallen into a rut, shake things up. Try something new. It will go a long way to keeping your relationship healthy.
So, there are ten bits of advice on relationships to keep your dating life strong. Look you guys, these things are common sense and the fact is I almost drove my sweetheart out of my life because I didn't pay attention to what I was doing. There is a book that woke me up written by T 'Dub' Jackson called "The Magic Of Making Up". After I read it and began applying his common sense suggestions, our love life turned around. Not only that all of my personal relationships, with friends, co-workers and my family have become much smother than they were before.
You might want to check out "The Magic of Making Up" yourself.
Do you know these 7 concrete ways to build trust in a relationship? Often, what really makes a relationship work are not the things we think of first. For instance, do you think you always need to spice things up? Wrong! Predictability is more important than variety in a relationship. The following seven methods are guaranteed to grow your connection by improving the level of trust in a relationship.
First, as I mentioned in the opening paragraph, you need to be predictable. This goes against the common notion that you need to “stir things up” to keep the romance alive. Sure, going to a new restaurant or giving a surprise gift can be nice, but most of all, we need things to be consistent and steady in order to make our relationships work. Consider that trust in a relationship is built on being reliable day in and day out.
Next, you need to make sure that your words always match the message. This means that your partner needs to hear the words which match your body language. If you say you are happy but you are frowning, your partner doesn’t hear your words, he or she sees your face and the tone in your voice. Your parter needs to be able to trust what you are saying. When the words match the message, you build trust in a relationship.
Third, you need to have a fundamental belief in your partner’s competency. If you don’t you won’t have the trust in a relationship that you need. When lovingly communicated, the truth is never destructive. When you do not believe that your partner is competent at some things (or indeed, anything), you violate the trust in a relationship.
Don’t keep secrets. Secrets destroy the trust in a relationship. Be honest and open. Assume everything you know will eventually come out. Secrets require enormous energy on your part. That is energy that could be going into building the relationship.
Fifth, don’t be afraid to let your partner know what your needs are. Don’ t make him or her guess what you need. Let them know. It is okay to be self-centred as long as you are not selfish. Indeed, if you are reluctant to assert your needs, you may go overboard in the opposite direction and smother your partner.
Sixth, learn to say no. When your partner voices his or her needs, that is a good thing. But you don’t need to say yes to everything. A partner cannot respect you if you never say no. Refusing to be subjugated to the other person’s will actually builds trust in a relationship.
Finally, always pursue growth. When you plant a flower, you begin by digging in the dirt. Digging in the dirt of our relationships can sometimes cause pain. But, through that pain, we prepare the soil for future growth. Don’t be afraid of turmoil, crisis, or questions. These become the fertilizer for growth and change. Embrace what is difficult.
When you decide to work on trust in a relationship, you are bound to encounter a little pain. But, as you work through this pain, you will not only become stronger as an individual, you will also strengthen your coupledom.